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things that just are

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Don't Drink the Water

Dave Matthews Band's Big Stink


This probably wasn't what Dave had in mind when he wrote "Don't Drink the Water."

The state of Illinois has filed a lawsuit against the Dave Matthews Band for allegedly dumping up to 800 pounds of liquid human waste from its tour bus into the Chicago River earlier this month.

The suit, filed on Tuesday by Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan, claims that a bus rented by the usually eco-friendly group was traveling cross town to the band's hotel on Aug. 8 when it pulled up alongside a metal grating on the Kinzie Street Bridge. That's when, the suit claims, bus driver Stefan A. Wohl emptied the contents of the vehicle's septic tank into the river.


Friday, August 20, 2004

The Morning News - Transcripts of OnStar Service Conversations Not Selected for Commercials

very funny

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground

SEATTLE, Washington (Reuters) -- A black bear was found passed out at a campground in Washington state recently after guzzling down three dozen cans of a local beer, a campground worker said on Wednesday.

'We noticed a bear sleeping on the common lawn and wondered what was going on until we discovered that there were a lot of beer cans lying around,' said Lisa Broxson, a worker at the Baker Lake Resort, 80 miles (129 kilometers) northeast of Seattle.

The hard-drinking bear, estimated to be about two years old, broke into campers' coolers and, using his claws and teeth to open the cans, swilled down the suds.

It turns out the bear was a bit of a beer sophisticate. He tried a mass-market Busch beer, but switched to Rainier Beer, a local ale, and stuck with it for his drinking binge.

Wildlife agents chased the bear away, but it returned the next day, said Broxson.

They set a trap using as bait some doughnuts, honey and two cans of Rainier Beer. It worked, and the bear was captured for relocation.

From hyim via cnn.com

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

London Tube

From Dvorak Uncensored: Anyone who has been on the London Undergound, affectionately called the “tube,” knows that this list of announcements currently going around the ‘net as “fact” may be real.

A list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to
their passengers…

1) “Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction".

2) “Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.”

3) “Do you want the good news first or the bad news. The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.”

4) “Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for theforeseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now….’Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall…..’".

5) “We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that".

6) “Beggars are operating on this train, please do NOT encourage these professional beggars, if you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity, failing that, give it to me.”

7) During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: “step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman… unfortunately towels are not provided".

8) “Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause …) “Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I’m going home….”

9) “Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open’. The two are distinct and separate instructions.”

10) “Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.”

11) “We can’t move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door”

12) “To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of ’stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand ?”

13) “Please move all baggage away from the doors (Pause..) Please move ALL belongings away from the doors (Pause…) This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train - put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e sideways”

14) “May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage".

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Traffic Jam!

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German truck driver lost control of his vehicle while trying to swat a wasp and spilled his 15-ton load of jam jars on the motorway, police said on Tuesday.

'He was trying so hard to kill the wasp that he smashed the truck against the barrier,' a spokesman for the motorway police in the western town of Greven said.

'That's when he really started attracting wasps. There was jam all over the motorway.'

Police had to close the A1 motorway for two hours while they cleaned up the mess, causing a long traffic jam.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

A PR Lemon in St. Louis
For the St. Louis Health Department, it was a sour lesson in PR 101. On Tuesday, an agency inspector shut down a lemonade stand run by Mim Murray, 10 years old, and Marisa Miller-Stockie, 12, following up on a complaint from a no-doubt well-liked neighbor. The inspector reportedly told the girls they lacked a business license and their ice cubes were unsafe. Mim's mother called a TV station and talked to the family's pastor, who talked to the mayor, who no doubt talked to somebody: Yesterday the city health commissioner not only apologized to the girls but also gave them $3 for a 25-cent cup of lemonade. The girls have landed on their feet, by the way: They racked up $112 in sales yesterday. No information was available about whether that topped or trailed analysts' expectations.

From the WSJ Afternoon Report

I Read It for the Articles
Did Google goof by letting its co-founders sit down for an interview with Playboy? The Securities and Exchange Commission has examined the interview, conducted in April, to see if Google violated the "quiet period" mandated around initial public offerings, but reportedly has yet to decide whether any action against the much-hyped search engine is warranted. The heart of quiet-period rules is a requirement that all written communications about a stock offering be included in documents related to that offering, which tends to make companies clam up. Late today, Google said its unconventional IPO auction will begin tomorrow, with the IPO price to be determined next week. Playboy's September issue hits the street tomorrow; if nothing else, Playboy-toting investors and SEC investigators can truthfully say they're reading it for the articles.

From the WSJ Afternoon Report

Proud to be an American.
Our 43rd President in his finest form:


Friday, August 06, 2004

No More Smiles

LONDON (Reuters) - The fight against terrorism has wiped the smile off the face of British passport holders.

The UK Passport Service (UKPS) said Friday it would forbid open-mouthed smiles on passport pictures, one of several rules introduced to comply with strict new U.S. standards. Smiles are forbidden -- along with sunglasses and hair slanting across the eyes -- because they may confuse security cameras used to scan faces and verify the passport is authentic.

'These new guidelines are an important step in the development of the new biometric e-passport and use of facial recognition technology that will be introduced in 2005 as part of the ongoing fight against fraud and international terrorism,' UKPS Chief Executive Bernard Herdan said in a statement.

New British passports will also be fitted with a chip containing the facial image and other data, hi-tech measures introduced to help stamp out passport fraud.

The Amazing Race newsgroup: alt.tv.amazing-race

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

The Onion:

CIA Asks Bush To Discontinue Blog